get ready guys ...

I leave in a week ... I've been asked how I'm feeling? am I scared, am I nervous? am I excited? to all of the above the answer is YES.

guys, I'm about to travel half way around the world ... to a country where I don't speak the language (I tried to learn, my brain can't seem to process it) as a first time adoptive mom and that's nerve wracking!

but more at the forefront of my mind is that half way around the world a little girl's entire world is about to flipped upside down, and we don't know if she is even aware of this. she's about to be taken away from everything she's ever known ... and as excited as I am to finally have her in my arms, I am so heartbroken for her.

the truth is that even though I do have fears (the facts are there, if you have educated yourself regarding adoption you are very aware that it is not the rainbows & sunshine gotcha day video that you saw ... don't get me wrong, those videos are beautiful and special - and heck yah we'll have one - but adoption is a big, huge deal full of unknowns, trauma, grieving, and so much more) I feel they pale in comparison to what our new daughter is about to go through.

please be in prayer for her precious spirit and heart. I want the heavens stormed for my beautiful girl! I want her to know that I am there to love her forever - that I am safe, that I will care for her, that we are hers!

and please pray for me too, in particular I need prayer that my emotions can stay in tact, I'm so nervous I will cry and freak her out! (I'm a crier, after all, and I just imagine finally seeing her in person is going to bring up every emotion from these eleven months!)

and know, I am choosing to go with strength and I would love it if you would pray along with me for that!
I have a theme song! I know, I know, me and my theme songs! (haha) but I am holding these words (aka: lyrics) close to my heart as prayers to get me through this journey. it's not a new song, but it's new to me and I more than love it!! lions by skillet

I am strong when I am weak,
I will trust, and overcome
I will defy my inhibition
by His power, I will go
I don't want safe and quiet, I don't want to run and hide
this is our time, I'm not gonna miss it
He's gone before us
I'll take it hard in faith - with every step I take
I will walk as a lion

celebrating Down syndrome awareness month ...

It's hard to believe it's been eight years since those anxious days as I awaited the results of my amniocentesis.  There were two indications of a possible chromosome abnormality - hydrocephalus and holes in the heart.  Initially I turned down an amnio, but ultimately went ahead with it so we would know if anything was going on.

October 22 was the day my doctor called and said "I'm sorry, your baby does have down syndrome".  Even then I was a little annoyed at his choice of words.  I remember when Zoey was a baby I wanted to go back and say "look - she's perfect, please don't tell any more moms you're sorry".  I never did, but I believe that simple sentence is a big part of what drove me to share our life with Zoey and what drives me to advocate that Down syndrome is nothing to ever be sorry for!

Fun news - I recently started a vlog channel on youtube!!!  (if you're reading this thinking - "what's a vlog?" ... it's a video blog!!!  it's funny because going through old videos I was reminded that I actually had this idea way back in 2008 but it just never happened!!)  I couldn't come up with a clever name, then I thought about how Zoey always calls our instagram page "the Zoey show" (it's so cute, her and daddy sit together and look at the pics and videos - she loves it) and I thought, this idea could work!  My channel is my perspective and my story of our kids and family, so why not The Mama Show.  Technically not a "show", but hey it's fun!

I'm just getting started, but wanted to do something for Down syndrome awareness month and to sort of introduce Zoey and our story with her as she's sure to be seen a lot on the vlog.  The two oldest kids are very particular about being filmed and shared, so I have a feeling there will be a lot of Liam, Zoey, & Ruby!!!
 

My hope is to post regularly (once things settle down after getting Ruby home) and I hope you'll join us, you can subscribe to our channel so you never miss a new video!!  And of course thumbs up, comments, and shares are very appreciated as we get going!!!

thanks so much friends, happy Down syndrome awareness month!!!

a Birthday wish ...

oh sweet, precious Ruby.  the day is approaching, I was determined to have you in my arms before your fifth birthday ... but it wasn't meant to be my love.

as I sit here, looking at your photos and watching the videos we've been given, I can't help but wonder what your birthday will look like.  will you have balloons and cake?  will you have presents?  will you be celebrated for the amazing girl you are?  I also can't help but wonder what each birthday has been for you ... I so desperately wish I could be there to make sure you know how loved and adored you are!!  

the good news is, our article 5 was picked up September 28 ... this means the next steps are travel approval and confirming a consulate appointment.  once we have those two things, we buy the plane tickets and I get ready to go bring you home!  

(just our luck, there was an 8 day holiday to hold that up, but it's almost over now and we should get good news this coming week!)

so that's where we're at in this big, long, heart wrenching journey to call you our daughter!

I hope you have a beautiful birthday baby girl!

Happy Birthday Ruby!